So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
