also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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