Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
