this boner is exhausting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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