There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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