Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
