It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
