I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
