Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
