Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
