Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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