btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
