Please, let me fuck your mom
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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