had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
