im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
