I wish I could punch you in the face.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
