whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
