Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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