you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im holly from the hills drunk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
