Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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