You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
