He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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