I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
