Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
