I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
