I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
