how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
