Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize