I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
