Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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