i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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