you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
