i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
