Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
