Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
