Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
