why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
