Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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