i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
