i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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