i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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