i would punch a child for taco bell
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
