You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
