I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
