She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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