while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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