I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
