Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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