Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
