it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh god it's open bar.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
