The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
