Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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