So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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