I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm at about main and main street
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
