My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
