I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
