its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
