How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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