Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
