I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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