my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
