Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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