she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
