I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
