sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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