so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
