my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
